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noni_muss

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05:20 pm: OMG
Ok, so if you have been paying attention, you would have noticed a week or two ago when I was made extremely frustrated by the fact that my professor told me to put a methodology section into my proposal document, then remove it from my paper.

Believe it or not, this story gets worse.

So I am at the oral presentation on Wednesday, and already I am not doing so well. I started crying while driving over there, and had to call Dear old Dad to talk me down. Plus, the night before the presentation, I went to practice to check the timing. So my good sport of a husband sits down with a kitchen timer and I do my thing. Finally, I say "DONE! How'd I do?" He looks at the timer, then looks at me, as though he is afraid. Unable to say the words aloud, he turns the timer around so I can see it. 20 minutes. 20 MINUTES. "Was that counting down from an hour, and I have 20 minutes left? Like I did 40 minutes?" I ask, the strained hope cracking my voice. No, he shakes his head, sadly. Fuck. So I spent the rest of the night revising my presentation. Then, before going in, I got a little shaky and teary, and had to call my dad to talk me down. But now I am there, and I am doing my thing. Already, they have begun asking the questions, though I have not reached the end, and at one point in time, I get, "That's a really good answer," which calms my fears and puts me in a good place to wrap things up.

So I'm pretty much done, and I'm winding things down and I mention, at my advisor's urging, how I had done a pilot version of my presentation for a graduate class in the special ed. department in order to obtain feedback on it and to make changes before eventually presenting to a wider audience. Suddenly, the other profs stiffen. Uh-oh. "You don't mention that in your paper," on says. Furtive glances are passed around the room. So they say, if I did a pilot, then I need a methodology section in my paper discussing what I did, what they said, what I changed as a result of the pilot, etc. I feel my jaw tighten, because I HAD a methodology section, but my prof. said I didn't need it and made me take it out and rewrite it as a conclusion. Immediately after this discussion, they ask me to step out into the hall for a moment.

My prof. warned me that they do this, so I was prepared, in theory. However, after the concerns voiced over my lack of a methodology section, I became very concerned, and all the anxiety I felt before walking in came rolling back. So there's a bench right across the hall from the door, but the bench down the hall is next to a trash can, and I head down there, because I am suddenly sure that I am going to throw up. So they call me back in, and apparently it showed I had gotten nervous, because someone steered me to a chair and said, "Maybe you should sit down and take a deep breath, because you turned white." So anyway, someone says, "Let's get this over with," and now I am POSITIVE that I am F U C K E D. Immediatley, tears sprung to my eyes, because I am sure that the next words I am going to hear have to do with my paper lacking a methodology section.

"You passed."

OMG.

The tears, already brimming in my eyes, would not allow themselves to be blinked back, so now I have to brush them away, so I'm crying in front of my fucking professors. Awesome. Not. Anyhoo, since I had mentioned that I originally had a methodology section and it was edited out, they said I should put it back in and resubmit the paper. However, they mentioned that the reason it was important for me to put it back is because if I were to decide to later go for my phd, then I need to have an example of research writing process in my portfolio, especially since I went for the creative component route instead of writing a thesis.

And that's what happened.

The End.


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